He was not the first person she pushed away. Once she was broke she pushed everyone away. And there was one more reason why she kept her shield high and isolated herself, she realized she was falling sick. But she kept it to herself. She was in pain mentally and physically. As she quit her smoking habits, but to balance the crave she kept consuming soft drinks which made her health deteriorated further. Smoking wouldn’t have caused the amount of damage caused by soft drinks. By the time Ann realized it, the time had long gone.
She struggled to keep her clean and calm, especially when she came to her parents place every year to meet her kid. She even kept a distance from him. Every time she came home she felt the distance between her and her family . At one point where every one of them turned against her and ambushed her. It was hard for her to accept the fact that nobody treated her the same way since she moved three thousand miles away for work.
She harnessed the power of pain and started to build herself brick by brick. The one thing she learnt from being 25 years old is, she felt powerful in her loneliness. Yes, Ann was desperate to talk to someone who understands her. But she is no longer falling for that desperation. Like always she found a way curb her pain away. Ann made a routine starting with her work, watching Netflix and then get lost in reading and listening to music. She felt the lyrics of songs were written for her. She found her imaginative partner in comic movies. She forgot everything when she is in her world.
She started loving herself, she understood self love is more important than anything in two years. Without any rehab she stopped her drinking and smoking.
She started motivating herself, even when Ann didn’t want to live her life, she thought of her baby, how she holded him for the first time, how he smiled at her. how he holded her fingers before leaving and how he cried when she left him.
Ann started turning her pain to paint, and she wore it on her shield and protected herself.
In six months time she bought a home thinking that she can bring her baby back to her and start a peaceful life, but very soon she realized her plans started falling apart. Ann started falling back into pieces when she realized she is not going to get her kid, but she saw him smile and was happy being where he is now. She withdrew her plans to keep everyone happy around her, even when she lost her happiness, she cared for the happiness of others. She has made enough sacrifices in her past and now she is sacrificing her motherhood. But nobody around her understood what she was losing and how she is holding up with the fact that she needed him the most.
With the wind moving towards the second segment of her life, she started getting more than enough proposals she ever received. Ann is not ready to get married, that too immediately after her divorce, where she lost everything. She needed time and the one thing she didn’t knew she was running out . She started getting pain on her ribs once in a week, but she didn’t take it seriously. She took painkillers and Coffee to make her feel fresh almost every day. When she is down with her migraine she took almost seven to eight cups of coffee during her shift and kept herself caffeine high, which kept her happy. When she felt sad she had chocolates to keep herself happy. Ann is quick learner, so she learned new things at her work and kept herself busy and with those she kept her nerves high. She slowly became an insomniac due to her high in take of caffeine, but she didn’t know how to stop it or control it. Caffeine addiction is something worse than any other addictions.
It is hard to recover from it, and she knew it, but all she needed is the energy when the coffee hits her brain and made her eyes and ears brighter than ever.
Happy reading!
Annabellez 