For sometime all she thought was ending her life, but days and months and years pass by when you live with the pain at one point you will tend to fight, and she started fighting. She found herself comfortable in the most toughest situation dealing it with a smile. Ann was not confident and brave, but she never showed her vulnerability. A girl who believed in fairy tales, has now grown into a women of living misery.
Once one of her cousin referred her as a synonym of tragedy. She started working, drinking, smoking… drinking… smoking… and it became a part of her. She was dealing her own depression and loneliness in her own way. She was barely sober apart from the time other than her work. She is an extremist, she can’t control any feelings, either its extreme or its dead, for her there was never a thing called balance, and she realized that once she was broke.
She knew after her sickness these habits are going to crawl back and bring her down to a 6 feet death bed very soon and she was expecting it to happen soon, because all she see around her is failures. She never had a peaceful sleep and she knew it is never going to happen, because she is always worried. Half of the time she sits alone and watch the smoke rolling out of her mouth and thinking that ‘ finally the smoke is free” . And one fine day she decided to be like the smoke, and be free. So she stopped smoking but she couldn’t stop drinking, she didn’t know she was slowly becoming an alcoholic. But she never drank with anyone, always alone. She drank alone so that she can sleep peacefully. the only sleep she gets on her off days. She makes it as her death bed and make sure she never gets up. She was scared to get up, Ann was scared of people around her. But even when she became an addict she never lost her way for her work, and her promotions were an evidence of how hardworking person is Ann. She was the perfect example of professional.
Ann is a hardworker but not a smart worker. So she had to deal with all her senior people shits which kept her frustration’s high. She knew how to work and how not to work. How to troubleshoot things and how to handle them. She is good with her theoretical and practical experience with machines. Even when she is amazingly awesome with her work she didn’t know how to say ‘NO’. Because throughout her life she was not given an opportunity to say ‘NO’. and she came from a place where a NO of a girl will be silenced with all the forces available on earth. When people hear NO from a girls mouth sounds to them as a nuclear explosion.
If she says NO, she will become arrogant in family, slut in front of boyfriend and uptight among friends and an asshole in front of colleagues . So Ann was scared of ‘NO’. All she knew was to accept and move on. She was on anti- depressants , therapy. All she wished was for someone to hear her cry a shoulder to rely on and a person to hold her hand. but its hard luck for her. throughout her experience, first she has to break herself to achieve something good.
During her school days she was bullied for being a weirdo, she was sensitive and heart broken. She was sidelined as she came from a middle class family. Even when she is person of talent for art nobody noticed her because of her status. she found hard to make friends. She was mocked by her own teachers and students in her class which made her work hard and make them jealous. She is like a phoenix who flies back from the ashes and make her mark.
Even when nobody believed in her, she believed in herself, she fought for herself. And she thought that the fight was over when she got divorced, but she never knew it was just the beginning of something more horrific. The one part which she would never even wish for her enemies. She felt emptiness gulping her from all sides and all she could do is scream for help even when she knows nobody is listening.