Chapter 19

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Ann dealt with her problems at own her pace, she knew even trusting her old acquaintance for marriage was bad. Every time she thought about it she felt more and more embarrassed. Ann felt really bad for listening to her parents always. She missed her son’s birthday that year because she was not ready to face anyone at home. After all, she left home on a bad note and she didn’t want her son to know her bad sides she felt if she go home this time he might feel the change in her. So kept her distance and kept on working. Despite being sad and frustrated she decided to fly to Chennai to get her certificates attested for her migration. Ann didn’t know how to spend her time, she had no place to go, apart from her home in the city and her hometown. Ann knew she couldn’t rely on any of her friends.

She was feeling low when she landed. She wanted to visit some of her friends and her college but unfortunately, the rain spoiled her whole plan. But she still maintained her beach plan. Ann enjoyed her walk on the beach, windy climate with drizzle. Ann enjoyed a good smoke on the beach standing in the rain. She felt relieved, cool, and calm. Ann realized she felt nothing more than her happiness when she stood in the rain. She felt like she was flying and her hair was flowing with the wind. She felt something more than happiness. She realized it is called peace. Ann has been in pieces for a long time she didn’t even realize she lost her peace and she needed to fix it, until this moment. Ann felt like screaming her lungs out.

It is not what we lose, it is how we handle the loss and move ahead with it. Like Amazon said, ” Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice”. He always was a strong supporter of her and in all decisions she made, he either supports her or criticize her. Even when she tried to keep herself safe from physical pain, the pain she suffered emotionally and mentally was out of her control. When she feels like losing herself she had only one stop for help which was Amazon. But Ann felt she was troubling him more, so she decided to keep herself busier than ever. She spends more of her time on social media. It was tough initially to go and talk to people or to give replies, but Ann thought ” everything needs a start, and it’s time for a change”. To be accepted in the world around you, either you avoid them or try to adapt to the world around you. Everyone blamed her for not taking any effort in building up a relationship, or not trying to make some friends. Her mother once blamed her saying Ann even forgot how to behave around people because of her anger. Ann tried anger management programs, but it was hardly effective. But she decided to change, anyways at least to try. Ann started to get coffee with office colleagues, her department head once said ” it is time for you to smile, you should go get coffee with your colleagues and share food with them, try to talk with people and gradually you will be fine” she decided it is time to smile. And that decision is going to change her life, Ann decided she is going to live her life rather than survive it.

Happy Reading!

Chapter 20