Chapter 11

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Having a sick mind is worse than having a sick body. There is nothing to hide when you get sick physically, and everyone knows it. But there is always a stigma around having a sick mind, unless you are a celebrity like actors, producers, business women or man, if a normal man says he or she needs help with her mind and depression, you will be tagged as incompetent, unstable, eccentric, crazy. Nobody tags any person who enjoys the celebrity status, I think no one has ever dared to do that. Its the same with dating, affairs, unless you are popular or famous, the names you will be called are endless. So Ann knew what she would be called as she is divorcee who going through depression.

Ann’s depression battle was so bad that she wouldn’t wish any one to go through the same. She was clueless in the beginning. She didn’t know how to talk to people around her or to ask help. She realized if she opens up some would take advantage of it and use it as a leverage. For some it might be just a passing cloud. For some it might be an entertainment. She was not ready to be handled like a puppet. She knew when she joined her job she is trying to create some safe space for her. Ann knew she need to fight for her and no one is going to help her with it. When she thinks about Nicks question of moving to his hometown for a lesser salary and for job she doesn’t even like was something driving her back to her depression.

With Nicks proposal the one thing which she understood was, she was not looking to get married. She was looking for someone to whom she can open up and be friends. She was scared like most of you who are who are going through depression. Ann realized it is not a short fight. once you fall into the depression, well, you need to make sure you doesn’t land back on it because the second wave might hit more bad than the first. Ann’s was cautious in each and every step. She calculated every possible outcome before stepping one feet at a time. But still some of the things happened are unfortunate or as some might call as bad luck. She didn’t believe in luck but, when people around her making judging statements she even thought she might be cursed since her birth. She had all the trauma and sidelined treatment of being a girl since her birth. She tried every possible manner to make people, at least her parents that there is no difference in having a son and a daughter. She made every one in her family proud. But still the stigma behind being a girl followed her till her first marriage. Maybe that might be one reason why she got married early. And now being a divorcee with a kid the norm around it is so bad sometime she feels like to give up her life. She felt it is too much to handle.

It was hard to say ‘NO’ to Nicks. She made it clear, her career and her job is her priority and she is not going to lose it for some random guy with whom she just spoke for a month. She told him and her parents her decision. But like we already guessed nobody really understood her. Nobody realized how important is her job and her career. Every one thought maybe after a period of time she will forget her passion for automobiles and switch it to something girly. But she is not ready to give up, she believed she is worthy of more and she deserved better. Don’t we all think that we deserve better ? Are we all supposed to bury our dream just because we are girls ? Is it our fault that we were born girls ? Then why would i invest so much time into studying, doing projects, doing field works ? Did i do all these efforts in building a career just to spend time in kitchen cooking and cleaning home ? Doesn’t family means equal partnership of both husband and wife ? So why should I lose my career and job when Nicks can do the same for his family, after all it is Nicks parents that needs to be taken care of, So what is their son’s responsibility ? Get married to a girl and make her a slave and kill her dreams one by one and make her dependent on him so that she doesn’t leave. Or is she just a baby making machine ? Is this the society that Ann wanted her son to grow up. She started thinking and kept on thinking hard to find a solution.

Chapter 12